Every time I start something new for some reason I just feel the need to change myself. To make myself a better person before this change begins. I give myself these weird deadlines, that have nothing to do with what I want to change about myself.
I mean, it kind of makes sense because I want to get myself at the point of my fullest potential before I add things into my life… Like school. But the things I want to change are like, “I need to draw more and get better” because I love to draw WHEN I’m drawing. I hate the thought of taking time out of my day to practice though. And getting my ears spaced to 0g before Sept 6th. What does it matter when I get them spaced? I will do it when its most convenient for me!.. I’m having a pointless battle with myself; that I’m losing.
I guess I feel like, in my own organized obsessed way, setting deadlines reduces stress because I get what I need to get done and afterward I feel much better. But right now I’m like FFFFFFFF, and I can’t sleep thinking about things that can’t be changed or helped at the time being. I think I just expect to much of myself. I feel like I’m wasting parts of myself on playing video games… and Tumbling. *sigh*
Ah well, at least one thing can always make me happy, Save Ferris’ cover of Come On Eileen by Dexys Midnight Runners. Just such a happy ska song.